Confetti bolognese

Workmates say the darndest things...

It's like that graffitti you throw over the bride

Must have confused that white dress for a blank canvas.

Creed for the new millennium

a bloke from work came up with this one - i think he knew what he was saying

"i'll take no care and no responsibility"

he must be about to enter politics

Running rings around them

What is it about sport that brings out such beautiful examples of malapropisims and mixed metaphors? Probably the adrenaline and the need for speedy expression over accuracy in the heat of the moment. After taking time to reflect on a game and write an article for our mag, one of our students still came out with:

The Crows annulated Collingwood 151 to 41...

I've learned enough about AFL in my line of work to know that forming the opposition into rings is an unusual tactic, but it clearly worked for the Crows!

more confused than me even!

As famous as I am for mushing more than just romantic moments, this guy got it really badly wrongly eh?
I think it was a contestant on the "The Mole" when asked how he would feel if he was the first evicted sorry, knocked off, voted off or whatever:

[i've] got a lot of goals in me to take at the cake


Even I'm a tad confused....

Ya love dags?

More a good example of Chinglish, but worthy all the same. Spotted this morning on a novelty pen (the kind of thing one might obtain from one of those there "Morning Glory" shops):

"Bob Dog Pet
- your special love friend"

Look don't get me wrong - I still love dogs - just not in any particularly special way.

ill-US-trate

My latest mobile phone sales manager (don't ask...) to my boss:

Is than an American accent I depict?

I refrained from telling him his post-vocalic 'r's were nowhere near an accurate portrait of the US dialect.

Broken relationships

Its been the week for it... just had lunch over at Macquarie, and filled in a survey for a student. One of the questions asked you to circle your current marital status, and luckily, even though I was distracted by the fact this was the first time IN MY LIFE I had given a different answer, I spotted this beaut:

Current marital status (please circle):

Single Married Divorced Defecto

US Forces

Just to bring the tone of the blog down a notch, we'll return to JJJ's linguistic tripping on the 'airways' (but wait, there's more).

Talking about Jimi Hendrix's discharge from the US Army for being repeatedly discovered 'showing himself a good time' in the latrines when he should have been performing other duties, the radio hosts sympathised with his behaviour.

"It was definitely an intelligent and admiral response to his situation."

Apparently not even holding a high-ranking position in the navy can stop you being kicked out of the army for reprehensible use of a dunny...

Vague constructions

Gotta love a good meeting, especially when some adapts a 500+ year-old phrase...

"...for all intensive purposes..."

For those wondering of the true origin, I quote:

"This cliche (meaning "practically") is a shortening of the legalphrase "to all intents, constructions, and purposes" (found in an act adopted under Henry VIII in 1547)".

Well I've learnt something. But what if your purposes are more vague in nature?

Restaurant with attitude

Also spotted yesterday afternoon in Surry Hills, a small Thai restaurant trying to double as a nightclub it would appear - this is lifted from the menu in the window:

"BYO - no cover charge"

Not sure how much they charge to open a bottle of wine for you, because the door b%tch wouldn't let us in - not with the shoes we had on.

Illegal carparking thrives in Surry Hills

Spotted in the black bocks of Surry Hills (the "lock the doors & don't stop at red lights" section)yesterday afternoon - a sign at the entrance to a derelict carpark:

"Offenders will be persecuted"

Under this regime of persecution its no wonder that illegal carparking is rife in Surry Hills. Illegal parkers are meeting in secret in small cells at private homes throughout the suburb...

between the lines

Full page Ad in the SMH drive section.

With their influence and independent thought being felt at home, in the work place and more importantly - the marketplace, today's generation of women are responsible for a sea change in thinking.

Can you sea through the condescension?

this use of sea change feels wrong to me- although apparently Harold Pinter used it to mean a dramatic change.
Has my understanding of the term been shaped by the ABC?

Anyway, I find the author's use of this metaphor ridiculous due to the fact that I find the ad ridiculous.

..."Attitudes .... have adjusted to include female customers as intelligent decision makers."

"The person you buy your next car from at Trivett could be a man - or a woman, in a suit...."

Wasn't Nietzsche responsible for a sea change in thinking?

When it breaks loose

Having spent all week all week in a training course with colleagues, it was only a madder of time before someone let something slip. Funnily enough, it was the previously mentioned Tania:

"It's only a matter of time until this thing eruptures"

And no, she wasn't talking about a pimple. If this word does ever make it into common use it would be only fitting that it be used to describe severe acne.

except the unexpected

Several weeks ago, several regular language funnies bloggers gathered in Curl Curl for an Indian takeaway feast. Perusing the menu, we read with interest the various special deals on the menu, including one tantalising ad for a sort of buffet with several dish combinations for a bargain price. Beneath this chirpy exclamation mark ridden offer was the stern warning that despite assurances of choice one was, in fact, to "Expect Seafood".

Imagine our disappointment when it dawned that in fact we were to 'Except Seafood"

What could we do but accept the exception?

Mutually exclusive

Just overheard in the corridor outside my office:

"Well the feeling is mutual - in fact its
even more mutual from my side"

Yeah, aha.

anatomical anomaly

My mother, commenting on how the Australian cricket team was abused by the English press when they lost to Bangladesh, summed it all up this way:

"They must have really copped a ribbing on the chin"

I just can't quite picture it...

Strange Bedfellows

Shaz has excelled herself again!

I'm going to make sure my accountant looks in every crook and nanny for any extra money in my tax refund this year.

Not sure mine at H&R Block is so thorough as to don the rubber gloves for a cavity search...

don't hold back - give 'em curry!

The old man in question is known as "Mad Tones". He's Maltese, suffers from industrial deafness and his motto (as a professional builder ) is 'force it til it breaks'. He has a long standing argument with his Indian neighbours over property boundaries.

A comment on the diet in his household,

Your old man would probably restrain from eating curry then....

moviespeak

Late on Sunday night, too comatose to be able to extract ourselves from the couch we are tortured by some lame and fatuous show about movie production and promotion which held boundless potential for some english chop-suey.

You cast a kind of 20/20 hindsight look over your shoulder.

three in one!

there's something about the genetics, the DNA of a movie, which really reductively ensures it is or isn't going to be a great movie.

There were many more that I giggled at but was sure i would remember.Luckily I wrote those last two down....