Our blog neighbour joins in

I clicked on the "next blog" button and met some dude called Wooster, who amongst other things gets weird with candles and ipods - each to their own. But he must have e-overheard us, and I quote him...

"Heard this from an NDTV news reporter as he was covering the bus service from Srinagar-Muzaffarabad that started off:

"....the security as usual remained unprecedented...."

Now 'unprecedented' ought to imply something that has never been paralleled. Something that hasn't happened before. And 'remain' implies that something hasn't changed, or rather stayed the same. So we have a security cover at a level that has never been paralleled, but stayed the same. Hmmm."

Someone tell him that something can start off as better than anything else and remain that way.

Handsome boy modelling school

Speaking of lyrics, try this one from the aforementioned band:

"Beauty is in the eye of the tiger"

Any bonus points for the theming?

Wax lyrical

I attended both a 3rd and a 30th birthday party over the weekend. At one of them, the guests were allowed to inhale helium and sing (endlessly, but oh-so-amusingly) 'Ice, Ice, Baby'.

Ivan: Why does helium make your voice go funny?
Adam: It does something to restrict your lyrics.

If only...

Dodgy foundations

Someone I ride with was talking about her impending trip to see the Tour de France this year, and came up with...

"It hasn't really sunk home yet"

Well I should hope not. That would be the last thing you'd want to come back to after a month away. I'd be getting those foundations checked before I go...

more sporting greats

retired Rugby League star Ricky Stuart, commenting on the selection of State of Origin teams:

"Not picking Rhys really does go against a grain of salt"

what can I say?

another genius sportsperson

Graham's last post just reminded me of an old fave. The half-time game review of a rugby league match was punctuated with this insightful comment:

"You know, at the end of the day, the team with the most points on the board at full-time will probably win the match."

Precious.

Kitchen Desoine

New kitchen being installed at work. We're having some state-of-the-art feature as labelled by designers on the plans:
Bence under Frege

I don't think orthography is their only problem...

Here's one I pinched...

...from one of my favourite websites:

www.dangerhere.com

it's a website dedicated to nonsense spouted by the footballing fraternity.


Here's a line from the weekend - uttered by a coach whose team needed to win their last game in order to stay in the Premiership.

"Hopefully, the lap of the gods will look kindly on us."

as the website said - we'd rather not picture it.

Wet Fish

From Jay and the Dr on JJJ this morning - broadcasting for a change from Townsville.

"We're looking for gossip from locals so we can fit in around here better. We've only just arrived and are still a bit green around the ears."

Slightly more pleasant than being wet behind the gills, I guess.

Not today...please...

From the weblog of of a stressed out chef - care factor zero, ,

"this day, I couldn't be asked."

A Fisherman's Gaff

I suppose fishermen have never been renowned for their linguistical abilities, but these two eat the cake.

One fisherman was discussing the use of a fighting chair for fighting marlin:

"When you're in the fighting chair, its much easier, because you're strapped in like a dinner"

Rex Hunt, describing a fishing trip to a pier:

"We've really enjoyed our little sautee to the pier"

never let semantics get in the way of a good line

From a friend's email...

Greetings poignant friends,

Well it has been quite some time between emails, in fact, over six months I believe. A bit of shocker on my part but fortunately however, the usual bombastic urge has got the best of me.

Loses a point for poignant, but recovers it on bombastic - "Equal Steven"

good usage can make you laugh, too

Context: 2 thugs, Coney and Lionel, talking to the Jamaican security guard (Albert) in a Brooklyn hospital waiting room while their boss is being operated on. He'd been knifed brutally in the guts.

"You gotta cigarette for us, Albert?" said Coney.
"Can't smoke in here, mon," said Albert softly.
"No, that's a good, sensible rule,"said Coney. "'Cause you got all these people in here that's concerned about their health."

Coney was occasionally a master of the intimidating non sequitur. He certainly had Albert stymied now.

- Motherless Brooklyn, Johathan Lethem

Lack of concern!

One of our procedures instructs Quality Control personnel to refer any problems to


"... a concerned engineer. "


What if they couldn't care less?

IT free from hyperbole...

Our IT guy, thanking us for putting up with changes to our filing system and then our core operating system, promised us only that it was

"all for the better".

I didn't know whether to thank him for his realism and candour, or to ask why they've cut off access to the TAB website...

A new word for the heart of a matter

Used by a colleague in a working meeting today... "essentrally" (or "ecentrally"), as in...

"this is essentrally the issue I want to discuss"

I'm not sure what she was referring to, but I'm guessing it was something to with something of core importance?

I was looking on E-Bay...

While looking for some second hand clothes to by on E-Bay I found this item for sale:

"Boys pumpkin patch pance + bodysuit"...

Oxymorons

I want you to "act naturally"
Was "found missing"
Is a "resident alien"
Programmed in "advanced BASIC"
Its a "genuine imitation"
Would you care for some "airline food"
Good grief
"same difference" innit?
"almost exactly" the same
A "government organization"
"sanitary landfill"
Left "alone together"
Considered to be "legally drunk"
Let out a "silent scream"
Part of "Australian fashion"
The "living dead"
The "small crowd" that gathered
A proponent of "business ethics"
Ad-free "soft rock"
Head of "military intelligence"
Child proof
"Now, then ..."
making "synthetic natural gas "
"taped live" in front of a studio audience
sorry I "clearly misunderstood"
use the "plastic glasses"
"terribly pleased" to see you
my, what "tight slacks" you have
she's "pretty ugly"
want some "diet ice cream"?

A conundrum

"It's the things that Westfield do"

Shouldn't that be "it's the things that Westfield does"?

Westfield is a singular noun, and should definitely agree with the verb of which it is the subject, i.e. Westfield does, not Westfield do. Some might object that"Westfield" it is a collective noun. I doubt that , but even if it was, other collective nouns wouldn't work, "rice" for example.

So you have "it's the things that rice does that makes it a healthy food" and not "its the things that rice do that makes it a healthy food"

Any thoughts?

Tanyaisms

So, I work with this girl called Tanya. Tanya is an educated, intelligent girl, but has a special way with words. Some might call them "Spoonerisms", however when it comes to Tania we think they're in a leak that they own, so they've been labelled Tanyaisms...

* Walking in to a university lecture late, the lecturer stops while Tanya regathers her composure, during which she blurts...

"I'm so sorry, I've been so busy today my teats have hardly fuched the ground"

* She is having her car serviced one Monday morning, and her boss offers to give her a ride to work, during which he asks "So, how was your weekend?". Tanya's reply?...

"Really good - I spent most of it birthday *c*ard *h*unting for my brother"

* Talking about one of her colleague's apparent weight gain...

"He's really been pounding on the piles"

* Last year Tanya got herself a new man. For those of you who know about Myers-Briggs personality typing, Tany is an ENTJ and her man ENTP. If you don't know anything about MYPT, they are fairly similar but differ in their J-P component. Someone asked how it was going with the new man, to which Tanya replied...

"Well, ever since we started going out his 'P-ness' has been driving me crazy"

* But it must be catching. A couple of weeks ago one Monday morning she asked me how my weekend was. I had moved house and cleaned out the old one for the final inspection, so of course my reply was going to go something along the lines of...

"Busy - I spent the whole thing mooning and cleaving"

Please don't dwell on the visual image this may conjure.