Resumé the job hunt

Okay, so I didn't hear these, but I read them and thought them worthy. The following are (allegedly) quotes from resumés of real job seekers:

The paramedic who said he:

Made life-threatening decisions on a daily basis

The childcare worker who boldly proclaimed she could:

Overlook up to 35 children at the one time

And another who was:

Flexible enough to perform in all manner of positions
if the situation gets desperate

Can't cure this typo

I was checking out an online bike shop based in NZ today. The item I was looking at was rather large, so had a bulk shipping charge listed as:

Bulk shipping will incure: NZ$50/AU$40

Sounds like that kind of shipping fee is terminal.

A curly one

From a just-held teleconference during which the higher-than-anticpated sign-up rate to a new programme was discussed, one participant declared:

"We're ahead of the curveball here"

Googly speak that overstepped the mark, hit the deck hard, reared up, and was left to go through to the keeper.

Stripped over

A recent email from my boss detailed how her staff would be spending field time with our representatives. One misfortunate sentence explained that:

"Gareth has a strip planned with Angela for tomorrow."

Not the usual kind of field work one conducts. Fortunately the planned "trip" didn't end up going ahead anyway as Angela was sick. I don't blame her.