Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Mistaken National Indentity

I was watching the Gymnastics the other night as well and the Australian girl was about to perform on "The Floor". She was in with the chance of a medal and the commentator in his excitement and haste announced that she was from Austria!!!

I have heard this happen before but never from an Australian. I was shocked!

Sunday, November 27, 2005

No mirrors in the gym, please

Watching the Gymnastics World Championships in Melbourne, my lovely life noticed that one of the gymnasts was named "Anastasia Lukin". Harmless, right? Well, it appears that a Russian shortening for Anastacia, one that the commentator had a penchant for, is "Nastya".

Poor old Nastya Lukin. "Nastya Lukin" than who, I wonder?

Friday, November 25, 2005

Up for a duck

On the radio today the treasurer Peter Costello was discussing the pros and cons of short term seasonal work in Australia such as fruit picking. The question was whether one should import seasonal labour from overseas, or keep those jobs for Australians. Using a timeless Aussie metaphor, the radio interviewer suggested that it would be difficult to ask Australians to "pull up stumps" and move to the country for such short term work.

A feature of all propaganda is the ability to bewilder an unsuspecting radio audience with the invention of a new verb. The treasurer's response was:

"Do you really think that it is easier to up-stump people from overseas, rather than to up-stump Australians for those jobs?!?"

Just what English needed. A verb for "semi-voluntary short-term relocation".

Runaround Jury

I love attending conferences.

So here we are discussing new and innovative ways to reduce the amount of data entry done in the office by getting students to do it directly into an online database. (Wish you were there?)
Anyway, it can be a confusing business for those switching over to a new system and changes are bound to happen as a result of some testing,

"but it's really a case of trial by error."
Another argument against the death penalty, perhaps?

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Still a contender - if you can be read

Meetings - where would we be without them? At one this morning attended by a colleague of mine, she gave up counting the number of times the following phrase or ones like it were used:

"They can still be illegible to enter if..."
I guess it depends on whether you can read their application form or not.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

which side?

At my daughter's first dance recital(?)/concert thingy (yes she was fabulous and gorgeous and of course stole the show, well sang the loudest!) the dance teacher was giving awards and speeches and thanked Simo profusely for being her "left hand man".

Does that mean she's his right hand woman?
Or that she's left handed?

All language funnies members present agreed it just wasn't quite right... thoughts anyone?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Facing up to terrorism

Last night on Lateline, a National politician whose name I didn't catch was discussing Labour's view of the new terrorism legislation in light of the arrests made yesterday. I quote:

"Labor have egg all over their face from head to toe"
Unlike whoever he was, who after saying something like this hasn't?

Cleaning: a fun way to get around or just depressing?

Noted today in a sign on the wall at the office, detailing the cleaner's obligations was the following bullet point:

"Hard floors to be swept and reception area moped daily"
Funny, I've never seen him bring his scooter in, but he does walk around looking a touch depressed.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Never say goodbye

On an indigenous harbour cruise last Monday (yes, it was work), our commentator gave an ample preamble and then,

Without further adieu, let's get on with it.

An oldie but a goodie.

Monday, November 07, 2005

new summer fashion: the upholstered look

In a uni 'what's on' email:

The 2005 Annual Charteris Lecture, USYDJustice Michael Kirby, The High Court of Australia 'The Universal Declaration on Bioethics and Human Rights'6.00pm pre-dinner drinks, 6.30pm for 3 course meal and wine, Dress: Lounge Suite/Day Dress

It can get awfully tiresome standing about for a large dinner and talk.

Friday, November 04, 2005

It's not that kind of meeting

Same bloke as before, getting confused in making sure they had enough seats occupied at a face-to-face meeting:

"We need more bums on faces at the meeting"

"...on a thought process made for two..."

Another one from the office environment:

"Everyone is going off on their own tandem"

The Road More Travelled

The Great Robini was heard to utter more than traditionally exacting ultimatum last Saturday:

"It's my way is the highway"

I think David Koresh was convinced of a similar notion.

Slow moving house for sale

Checking out property at domain.com.au I came across one house described as having...

"An elevanted position"
Well if its situated on the back of a 5 tonne pachyderm, I guess it would do.

Beaten to the punch

Dazzler,

Our IT dept. must be in synch with yours - i have just received an email with

"The server is back online. Thank you for your patients."

Maybe they learn it in at IT school or something?

King of your domain

Not meaning to bring the tone down in any weigh, shape of form here are some real-life websites that aren't what they look like - I kid you not:

The Who Represents database for agencies to the rich & famous:
www.whorepresents.com

The Experts Exchange - supposedly for people with knowledge on programming:
www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a new pen - get one from the island:
www.penisland.net

Need some therapy but don't know where to find it? Try:
www.therapistfinder.com

Or perhaps just something for the garden - you might visit the nursery at Mole Station here in NSW:
www.molestationnursery.com

Thursday, November 03, 2005

a phoenix rises from the kettle

A reporter discussing the collapse of the Lane Cove Tunnel:

"The dream has now evaporated into a whole new reality"

Now we know how reality came into being.

Not wasting your words

In an email I just received...

"Need less to say..."
It was only six sentences all up.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Is there a Doctor in the house?

Our IT department - probably like all IT departments - is a little overworked. To their credit, they retain a happy demeanor and never neglect those little pleasantries that help to grease the corporate wheels. This was the sign-off to an email advising of an upcoming server outage:

"Thank you for your patients."

At least you can tell they're trying....

a twist of melon

This is a nice mix of a few I've heard lately...

I'm going to breach the subject of time zones. Problems can arrive when we belive that G-Dav is actually at work at 12:06am posting language funnies - probable as that may be... I've changed the at'tributes (that's for ppl who can read stress markings) on the blog time settings. You definitely might notice that we're now posting on the same time and date that we actually live in. Hopefully it'll prove an insensitive for you to write more.

Thanks mostly to the training guy for InDesign who, incidentally, is the only person in the world not to remark that Caro and I speak in unison and could poss. be related.