From a phonecall with a mother with similar lack of functioning brain cells

"It was all over the show..."

Does that mean the shop has to go on?

A right goose

This brightened up my Monday no end. From a clearly passionate blogger regarding the Howard government's sluggish action on climate change:

we can no longer beleive the proper gander
and deceptive spin that our government
delivers

After protest, the next step is to come up with a proper sition for his MP.

Divided we concur?

From an email today, and I quote:

"...but this complexifies the model as we would have to manage too many objectives if we demultiply the objectives"

I'll let it speak for itself.

Poorly grounded

Someone at work today is obviously far too busy, given their comment:

"I've been working myself in to the bone!"

No doubt accompanied by much blood, sweat & tears.

Access success

Our secure internet log-in requires you to utilise a "SecureID" token to verify you have permission to access the site. This is done using a small fob that displays a 6-digit code that changes every minute. You enter the code on the website, and a message appears advising if you log-in has been successful or not. If you're successful you're told that your:

"Identification succeeded"

I would have thought this meant your log-in is now out of date, but it lets you access anyway.

Ebay Engrish is fun!

Wow, not only do I have to struggle to find something actually wearable while breastfeeding, but I get to read great descriptions of nursing tops like this:

"This shirt avoid discommodiousness at working or forgather in lactation..."

Sounds bloody complicated.

Miss Communication 2006

Oops, a deadline was sent out in an email, but we actually wanted an item actioned earlier. Anyone affected was offered my apologies for the missed communications from this end.

Someone was way off message with our target audience.

short order

Asagao, at Manly Wharf, has a quality, but limited selection of take-away options. This was restricted even further now that the photo displaying the beef udon is marked "out of order".
We had the chicken.

an oversion to spelling

As a member of The Wilderness Society, I'm treated to monthly letters urging me on to greater heights of activisim and generosity. The language is as florid as a Chinese translation and has such gems as this to keep members amused:

"... the United Nations identified the two primary drivers of species extinction as habitat destruction and human-induced climate change, and said that immediate action must be taken to overt the crisis."

It could be a simple plea to 'out' the two-pronged approach to extinction, but I somehow doubt it...

tough day at the office

On a particularly busy night in the restaurant kitchen, things have started bad, gone to worse, then gone downhill and finally over the edge into chaos.
The head chef crystallizes the atmosphere of his anger and frustration as he shouts at everyone

" you guys don't know fuck about shit!!!"

somewhere deep below the concentration , adrenaline and fear, people remind themselves to laugh at that when its all over.

Blue Blooper

From today's SMH TV guide mag: A brief history of factual TV where shows like Beyond 2000, RPA and Good Medicine were mentioned. This was not a tongue-in-cheek article, no wordplay intended - just the summaries.

Sex (1992-93)
Sophie lee turned factual to frisky when Nine took an up-close and personal look at the social, medical and psychological aspects of our sex lives. No holes were barred and this excellent series was alternately praised and criticised for its frank imagery.

Its legacy lives on...

Exceptional work

Checking my emails this morning I came across two from one of my reps. In the first she asked...

"...if it would be possible to pay this from your pop of money?"

In the other, she was discussing someone who had submitted a scientific paper to a journal and she will...

"...letus know if the journal excepts it."

Ough dare. Lukes like hair spal chequer dusn't werk.

A stink of a problem!

One of our managers was asked to review the reason we were finding air bubbles in some of our silicone parts. The real root cause was because air inside the silicone expanded during the curing process. On the report she wrote:


"Root Cause: Release of gas during silicone curing."


Corrective action: no more beans for our operators!

funny peculiar

I don't even know if this is funny, because I have no idea what it means... I've never heard this expression before and can't find it when googling away. Perhaps the latest thing is not to mix metaphors, but create your own.

This was in an email regarding the fact that our head office contacts the home university of any student who fails 2 or more classes in a semester in Australia. From my counterpart about to make this phonecall, she checks a detail with me because:

I like to be prepared, especially when I'm calling the Citadel
and have to speak to a Colonial!

If anyone has any clue, bail me out!

Thanks, but no thanks.

Julia had recently given some tuition to a girl doing linguistics at Uni. Well, the girl passed with flying colours and left a message on our phone to thank Jules for her help:


"Just wanted you to know ... (blah blah blah) ... passed with 74% ... (blah blah blah) ...
I couldn't have done it with you ... (blah blah blah)"


Charming!

does anyone else find this weird?

"see in-store"

come and see-enquire?
what's in store?
once I'm in there does it all become obvious?
am I currently out-store?

Don't we have shops anymore?

Would you bid for one?

I was looking to inform myself about the history of the current crisis in the middle east, so I put the following string into a search engine: "history of the middle east crisis". This was the third option I was given.


" 3. Looking for Middle East Crisis?
Low prices, wide selection. Find exactly what you want today.
Sponsored by: www.ebay.com "


Mine's in the post - quite literally!

Go into bat

The Dazzler and I had a substitute yoga teacher this week. In a suitably skin-crawly, breathy voice, she announced that:

"we're going to get into meditation straight from the word bat"

This phrase then became my mantra for the duration of the class... She stayed breathy but endeared herself further during the class, you'll be glad to hear.

Singaporeans have had enough! To eat!

Headline in a Singaporean newspaper (reprinted in The Guardian): "S'poreans are fed, up with progress!"

Machine which goes "ping"

On the way up to the maternity ward I notice beneath the emergency stop button in the Mater hospital lift,

"unauthorised use of this button effects the working of this elevator"

at least they have a constant supply of people 'qualified' to make the lift work for the staff.

Imminently expecting mother "...but what do I do?"

John Cleese as doctor "Nothing dear - you're not qualified."