The last posting

Just saw this on Facebook - a friend had his status update as:

"...is sad, but is glad Grandma is at peace!"

To which his friend had replied:

"if we can live to that of age we have done well and seen and archived great things"

Who knows? Maybe she worked in data storage?

outweighing the benefits

In a meeting today: a discussion on how, rather than relying on cumbersome and costly auditing, we might have to just trust our delivery arm to come through with the goods:

"We have to give them the credibility of the doubt"

Frankly, it's a little more than they deserve, but probably an accurate assessment of how toothless we are...

Who needs an entire phrase?

On SBS news last night, one of Bernard Madoff's Ponzi scheme victims was speaking out about how dastardly Bernie's deeds were.

"What he did was inconspicable."

True enough, no one saw what naughty swindling he was up to with his pyramid scheme for a very long time...

Not a language funny per se, but a linguistical observation. I am deeply concerned about tautologous usage of the word 'probably'. This affliction seems preponderant among rugby league players, where you could say they are using a transformed version of the word, prnounced 'probly' or 'prolly', which has taken on a different semantic range to the original.

The usage of the word is as follows. In a situation of absolute certainty, a footy player will invariably use 'prolly' as an adverb. An example from the radio this morning:

"There's no doubt that we're prolly flying up to Brisbane tomorrow."

I would think that this could be said on any situation. 'There's no doubt I prolly won't have a car accident tomorrow.' 'It is absolutely definite that I will prolly work tomorrow.' In each case, the speaker expresses their certainty about a likelihood. While I'm sure that this prolly isn't strictly tautologous, it could be a little completely redundant.

Hey?

And from the weekend, another colleague stated it was:

"Like looking for a needle in a haybarn"

Which depending on how many haystacks it has could be more or less difficult.

Getting pulled up

A colleague recently stated in a meeting that one of our teams had better:

"lift their socks or pull their game up"

And yes, it's good to be back.

hit the nail over the head

The attrition rate close to Christmas is clearly detracting from the atmosphere in the office. According to 'Jacinta',

"It's dead as a doorknob in here"

If rigor mortis sets in, none of us will be able to use the exits to spend the season with family...

The very poster of totally mellow fiscal negligence, dude

I saw this one in the New York Times from someone commenting on a story:

"George W. Bush is the flower child of irresponsible, neglectful government."

It conjures up all kinds of mental images one doesn't normally associate with G.W.B. I like it so much I can't even think of any clever pun commentary to go with it.

Vanquishing Act

Looking for language funnies in sports commentary is like trying to find a needle in a ha[berdasher]y stack. Seeking them out in politically earnest emails comes in a close second (e.g. A Right Goose). In one received after the NSW State Govt shake up:

"...Our tenth such antagonist, Minister of Planning, Frank Sartor has bitten the dust. Other now-vanished foes have been:

• Andrew Refshauge, Minister of Urban Affairs and Planning
• Sue Holliday, Director General of the Department ... etc..."

Never challenge Merlin to a duel.

little finger percussion

Feeling a little daring and reckless, Let's-Call-Him-Simon declared that he was prepared to remind management yet again of a priority action item, and,

"I don't care if we get wrapped around our knuckles because of that one"

He'll be needing those bandages if it comes to a punch up.

flea-ridden dog paddle

In a meeting today there was some frustration expressed at the lack of clarity in roles and responsibilities as well as the need to function in the meantime (while said R&Rs are being defined). A certain unit in our branch is

"scratching our heads above water"

They're just itching to stay afloat, I guess.

up periscope

Driving down to a friend's farm a few weeks ago, he warned us about driving in the dark through the countryside with all the kangaroos around. As we neared the farm without a roo bar, we'd definitely need

"all eyes on deck"

The driver's hands were peeled ready to swerve at any moment.

speleologically speaking

There's someone even newer than me at work now and we were both congratulating ourselves on the view we now have from our desks. At her last job, Let's-Call-Her-Jacinta said she had no windows and,

"I just felt really caved in."

At least she's not giving cagey responses.

Fencing the dairy

I have a job in an infinitely larger office than my old one, which should feed this blog nicely. Oh, and it's open plan!

In post-mortem of a meeting held recently, Let's-Call-Her-Sue declared that certain members of the committee were

"taking advantage of the situation and milking it to the hilt."

talk about crying over split milk...

The editor's on fire!

And another from smh.com.au. Today the front page had the following headline:

"Sydney crematorium blaze"

Do they really think a normal trading day at the crem is newsworthy? I was almost expecting the byline to be:

" and hundreds dead"

No kidding. I wonder if any employees will be fired as a result?

Climbing the ladder

Also from smh.com.au, a link to an article in their careers section:

How to network your way to the top of the rung

:No doubt written by some genius who has worked out how to stay at the level you are - just on top of everyone else at the same level.

What a difference, a comma can make

Just saw this on the SMH website. It was the caption to a photo of the pilot who landed the Qantas jet minus it's oxygen tank:

Home safely ... Captain John Bartels, who landed the

stricken aircraft, outside his house yesterday.

Take out the second comma and it's an even more impressive feat.

A drink from a firehose

I'm reading Martin Amis' The Information at the moment, and I came across this passage. It deserves to be quoted in full.

"Demi's linguistic quirk is essentially and definingly female. It just is. Drawing in breath to denounce this proposition, women will often come out with something like 'Up you!' or 'Ballshit!' For I am referring to Demi's use of the conflated or mangled catchphrase - Demi's speech-bargains: she wanted two for the price of one. The result was expressive, and you usually knew what she meant, given the context. But here's the difficulty. In fictional prose the idiolect spells trouble because the novelist, trained to reveal character through action, duly contorts his narrative to provide cute walk-ons for the next spoonerism, malapropism, pleonasm. Better, in my view, just to make a list.

So Demi said 'vicious snowball' and 'quicksand wit' and 'up gum street'; she said 'worried stiff' and 'beyond contempt' (though not 'beneath belief'); she said 'on its death legs' and 'hubbub of activity' and 'what's with it with her?' and 'tell him no flat out'; she said 'none of my luck' and 'when it comes down to the crunch'; she said 'greaseboat' (as opposed, presumably, to 'dreamball'); she said 'he lost his top' and 'she blew her rag'; she said 'he coughed up' (he confessed) and 'she fluffed it' (she killed herself). Once, just once, she murmured, 'Sorry. I was talking aloud.' Demi also pronounced her rs as ws, but I don't think I'm even going to begin to attempt that."

Excellent, if you can forgive Amis' mistake gender stereotyping, as this blog has gone on to prove.

Ad libbing

I've been sitting on this one for a while, but discovered it as a draft text message in my phone the other day. Someone at work mentioned:

"I'm going to lose my plot!"

And as I'm due back at work in two weeks, I imagine the LFs will be flowering thick and fast once again.

Footrot Flats

A colleague, commenting on a contract that is about to go sour:

"We really don't want to be biting ourselves in the foot"

Wouldn't shoot the hand that feeds me neither.