Fangs for the memories

At the BIL's wedding on the weekend, one of his good friends got up to give a speech and opened with:

Well you know, you have all these speeches and antidotes..."

Other than that the whole thing was delivered without any poisoned barbs or biting sarcasm.

Switzerland

One obviously diplomatic colleague was recently described as having a foot in both pies. Just make a decision so we can all eat! On second thoughts....

Dotting What??

In a recent meeting with an executive team, one member was on the back foot after not quite delivering what they needed to.

After some quick talking, the person was summing up with the CEO who was beginning to nod in agreement.

The sentence ended with the assurance that 'we'll get this right, send the letters, dot our T's and cross our I's'

The CEO kept nodding but somehow it was not in agreement anymore...

What are in the ear

More an audible funny than a LF, but funny all the same. This was overheard at the water cooler this morning:

Person 1:"I pulled a muscle in my back this morning drying my hair" (both hands above head shaking, showing how said muscle was pulled)

Person 2: "What on earth where you doing with your hands up there?!?! Shouldn't they have been on the wheel?"

Person 1: "What wheel?"

Person 2: (after a small, contemplative pause) "Oh. You mean 'Drying your hair' - not 'driving here'"

Non sequitur

After making a fairly weak argument as to why it should be Carolyn, not me, to do the final Christmas decorations, I realised just how weak my argument was. Dripping with sarcasm (and water from the shower), I heard myself saying:

"Now that is a water-clad argument, isn't it?"

Imagine. Next it will be iron-tight...

language weirdy

a language funny or just a language weirdy, or bad editing...on an ISP newsletter
"we sincerely take this opportunity to thank..."

Surely it's not legal!

This was a 'send to all' email sent out by our IT dept. Some subtle punctuation errors thrown in to test your deciphering skills, but the cherry on the icing comes at the end.

Hi, All:

We have a mix of 17/19 inch CRT monitors to give away, mostly working (you can test your pick at IT)

First come first served, IT will dispose the remainder on Monday.

Marry Xmas :)

Cooking up a word nasi gor-what?

Over dinner the other night, a certain shall-remain-nameless mother-in-law hoped something would happen:

"...before we all go stir-fry crazy..."

And in case you're wondering, dinner was roast chicken.

To the manners born

Not your classic LF, but still F all the same. Pinched from the back of the Metro where the eavesdropping tidbits are printed:

Woman to her child on the train from Wentworth Falls: "You've got manners, use the bastards."

I've been smiling to myself about it all afternoon...

Sae it lyke u meen it

Debating the minutae of a proposal in the back of the car on the way to a meeting, one of my colleagues surmised:

"I think we're talking phonetics here"

Yep, it's all in the way you say it, not spell it.

Seeking sorters

In the window of a real estate office:

"Great house in the most sorted street in the neighbourhood"

Everyone wants an organised neighbour.

A short time?

My colleague on the phone this morning said to someone:

"I hear you'll be looking after this in the mean term?"

Well I guess we're in the fourth term now - the one full of exams - so technically he was correct.

holy guano batman!

Inspired to record more of the comedic apprehension of our subtle language culture following the bi-inaugural LF awards , I actually wrote down one of the many that pass me by at work.

I tend to think of most of these as Cumberland Newspapers aspiring to Daily Telegraph aspirations of The Economist. Sometimes enlightening, mostly, well.........

So anyway,

"I left it on the shelf for you! You're as blind as batshit! And batshit's pretty blind!"

Splitting words

No sooner had the LF bloggers inaugrial awards night concluded, than another beauty was dropped in the first meeting of the new working week:

"... you can do it whichever way you want to, but at this stage you're just mincing hairs over it."

Mmm, mmm. Minced hair. I always wondered how they made that pasta from angels.

Dirty little brats

Hi all, I'm back again after many months of computer illiteracy.

I overheard this gem while passing a colleague on the way to lunch the other day:

"We used to run a bit of a muck as kids..."

His poor mother.

Going through the pain - again

Nothing more than a simple typo, but today in a meeting (the corporate breeding ground for LFs) a visitor described our medications that fix headaches etc as:

Analgesics (pain relivers)

No wonder sales are so good... Those nasty headaches that keep on coming back.

Say what (again)?

A colleague reports on an old Headmaster who used to frequently proclaim the following during assemblies:

"I will NOT repeat myself, I will NOT repeat myself"

No, I guess not, I guess not.

aah those school girl days...

So it seems that it's NOT little girls that are nasty to each other...

For sale is one "Divisive Lunch Box - Plastic container"

Those babelfish translations create a gringlish all of their own.
Yes yes, I know what they MEANT...

If you don't write "it", I won't hear "it"

"It" is only a small mistake, but when these two letters are left out of a word, it may completely change the intended meaning as was the case in this draft SOP:

"It is the responsibility of individual companies to develop methodologies
for data reporting that are consistent over time, accurate and audable"

A symptom of making cuts to your IT department?

A Powerful Thought

I was talking to a colleague and asked him if I should bother to turn off a certain machine over the weekend. He replied

"I think you should, incase we have a power outrage"

I politely turned away and chuckled to myself.