Lonely Leaker

The Dazzler and I were thrilled to hear what David Hicks had had for breakfast on the day of his extradition and turned on the news that night in the hopes of finding out his lunch menu. We were not disappointed. (meat and salad roll)

We were, however, scandalised that someone had leaked some top-secret information regarding the inflight entertainment our orange person had chosen. We covered our ears so as not to hear that he had indeed watched The Departed. The Dazzler wondered

"How can the person who leaked that sleep with
himself?"

My guess is he was indiscreet about his last girlfriend and now has no choice.

Spare the rod

At lunch recently, a non-blood relative of The Dazzler effortlessly conveyed the idea that something her daughter had done to make life easier for her had, in fact, turned out to be more work that it was worth:

"She's just made a crutch for her own back, you know?"

Sometimes language funnies are just plain efficient.

Boring Administration post...not quite

Hi everyone...

I know I haven't posted for a while... that would be due to the collapse of my entire life around me...

But now that things are on the up, I've had time to check in and notice that our blog has just passed its scond anniversary. The first post was made on Arpil 21st 2005.

Do you think we should celebrate, with, say, dinner in Newtown?

Neil D.

This one's sweet!

I was talking to a person who shall remain nameless yesterday about looking for jobs and they said

"I think you should look for a job with the CSIRO - they're involved in loads of different and varied fields. They even make sugar! ... (long pause) ... Actually that's CSR"

The thing is, without the correction I probably wouldn't have noticed!

Resumé the job hunt

Okay, so I didn't hear these, but I read them and thought them worthy. The following are (allegedly) quotes from resumés of real job seekers:

The paramedic who said he:

Made life-threatening decisions on a daily basis

The childcare worker who boldly proclaimed she could:

Overlook up to 35 children at the one time

And another who was:

Flexible enough to perform in all manner of positions
if the situation gets desperate

Can't cure this typo

I was checking out an online bike shop based in NZ today. The item I was looking at was rather large, so had a bulk shipping charge listed as:

Bulk shipping will incure: NZ$50/AU$40

Sounds like that kind of shipping fee is terminal.

A curly one

From a just-held teleconference during which the higher-than-anticpated sign-up rate to a new programme was discussed, one participant declared:

"We're ahead of the curveball here"

Googly speak that overstepped the mark, hit the deck hard, reared up, and was left to go through to the keeper.

Stripped over

A recent email from my boss detailed how her staff would be spending field time with our representatives. One misfortunate sentence explained that:

"Gareth has a strip planned with Angela for tomorrow."

Not the usual kind of field work one conducts. Fortunately the planned "trip" didn't end up going ahead anyway as Angela was sick. I don't blame her.

No cancer here...

Friends have been in HongKong and bought their daughter a small pink mobile phone. It had an all most Barbie picture on it, with the following slogan in Barbie like font :

"Benign Girl"

Crediting the makers of the phone with some intelligence, we wondered what they could really mean. We checked the thesaurus, perhaps Friendly or Amiable Girl was more their aim than an advertisement for a girl with no skin cancer...

A big house for big brother

A comment on the BBC News website from a disgruntled 'Big Brother' fan bemoaning the contestants' behaviour:

"WELL THERES NOTHING TO SAY BUT WHERE HAVE MANORS AND MORALS GONE AND TREATING EVERYONE WITH RESPECT"

They must think the show should be staged in a bigger house!

Can you imagine - "Big Brother would like to speak to Jade in the drawing room please" or "You failed in this week's challenge, so you lose 50% of the clay pigeons allocated to you on Monday"

the lesser of two formers

a quote from my brother justifying his decision not to make quitting smoking one of his top new years priorities: "well, if you compare using cocaine or something to cigarette smoking, cigarettes are really the latter of two evils." which is true i guess...

From a phonecall with a mother with similar lack of functioning brain cells

"It was all over the show..."

Does that mean the shop has to go on?

A right goose

This brightened up my Monday no end. From a clearly passionate blogger regarding the Howard government's sluggish action on climate change:

we can no longer beleive the proper gander
and deceptive spin that our government
delivers

After protest, the next step is to come up with a proper sition for his MP.

Divided we concur?

From an email today, and I quote:

"...but this complexifies the model as we would have to manage too many objectives if we demultiply the objectives"

I'll let it speak for itself.

Poorly grounded

Someone at work today is obviously far too busy, given their comment:

"I've been working myself in to the bone!"

No doubt accompanied by much blood, sweat & tears.

Access success

Our secure internet log-in requires you to utilise a "SecureID" token to verify you have permission to access the site. This is done using a small fob that displays a 6-digit code that changes every minute. You enter the code on the website, and a message appears advising if you log-in has been successful or not. If you're successful you're told that your:

"Identification succeeded"

I would have thought this meant your log-in is now out of date, but it lets you access anyway.

Ebay Engrish is fun!

Wow, not only do I have to struggle to find something actually wearable while breastfeeding, but I get to read great descriptions of nursing tops like this:

"This shirt avoid discommodiousness at working or forgather in lactation..."

Sounds bloody complicated.

Miss Communication 2006

Oops, a deadline was sent out in an email, but we actually wanted an item actioned earlier. Anyone affected was offered my apologies for the missed communications from this end.

Someone was way off message with our target audience.

short order

Asagao, at Manly Wharf, has a quality, but limited selection of take-away options. This was restricted even further now that the photo displaying the beef udon is marked "out of order".
We had the chicken.

an oversion to spelling

As a member of The Wilderness Society, I'm treated to monthly letters urging me on to greater heights of activisim and generosity. The language is as florid as a Chinese translation and has such gems as this to keep members amused:

"... the United Nations identified the two primary drivers of species extinction as habitat destruction and human-induced climate change, and said that immediate action must be taken to overt the crisis."

It could be a simple plea to 'out' the two-pronged approach to extinction, but I somehow doubt it...