Ya love dags?

More a good example of Chinglish, but worthy all the same. Spotted this morning on a novelty pen (the kind of thing one might obtain from one of those there "Morning Glory" shops):

"Bob Dog Pet
- your special love friend"

Look don't get me wrong - I still love dogs - just not in any particularly special way.

ill-US-trate

My latest mobile phone sales manager (don't ask...) to my boss:

Is than an American accent I depict?

I refrained from telling him his post-vocalic 'r's were nowhere near an accurate portrait of the US dialect.

Broken relationships

Its been the week for it... just had lunch over at Macquarie, and filled in a survey for a student. One of the questions asked you to circle your current marital status, and luckily, even though I was distracted by the fact this was the first time IN MY LIFE I had given a different answer, I spotted this beaut:

Current marital status (please circle):

Single Married Divorced Defecto

US Forces

Just to bring the tone of the blog down a notch, we'll return to JJJ's linguistic tripping on the 'airways' (but wait, there's more).

Talking about Jimi Hendrix's discharge from the US Army for being repeatedly discovered 'showing himself a good time' in the latrines when he should have been performing other duties, the radio hosts sympathised with his behaviour.

"It was definitely an intelligent and admiral response to his situation."

Apparently not even holding a high-ranking position in the navy can stop you being kicked out of the army for reprehensible use of a dunny...

Vague constructions

Gotta love a good meeting, especially when some adapts a 500+ year-old phrase...

"...for all intensive purposes..."

For those wondering of the true origin, I quote:

"This cliche (meaning "practically") is a shortening of the legalphrase "to all intents, constructions, and purposes" (found in an act adopted under Henry VIII in 1547)".

Well I've learnt something. But what if your purposes are more vague in nature?

Restaurant with attitude

Also spotted yesterday afternoon in Surry Hills, a small Thai restaurant trying to double as a nightclub it would appear - this is lifted from the menu in the window:

"BYO - no cover charge"

Not sure how much they charge to open a bottle of wine for you, because the door b%tch wouldn't let us in - not with the shoes we had on.

Illegal carparking thrives in Surry Hills

Spotted in the black bocks of Surry Hills (the "lock the doors & don't stop at red lights" section)yesterday afternoon - a sign at the entrance to a derelict carpark:

"Offenders will be persecuted"

Under this regime of persecution its no wonder that illegal carparking is rife in Surry Hills. Illegal parkers are meeting in secret in small cells at private homes throughout the suburb...

between the lines

Full page Ad in the SMH drive section.

With their influence and independent thought being felt at home, in the work place and more importantly - the marketplace, today's generation of women are responsible for a sea change in thinking.

Can you sea through the condescension?

this use of sea change feels wrong to me- although apparently Harold Pinter used it to mean a dramatic change.
Has my understanding of the term been shaped by the ABC?

Anyway, I find the author's use of this metaphor ridiculous due to the fact that I find the ad ridiculous.

..."Attitudes .... have adjusted to include female customers as intelligent decision makers."

"The person you buy your next car from at Trivett could be a man - or a woman, in a suit...."

Wasn't Nietzsche responsible for a sea change in thinking?

When it breaks loose

Having spent all week all week in a training course with colleagues, it was only a madder of time before someone let something slip. Funnily enough, it was the previously mentioned Tania:

"It's only a matter of time until this thing eruptures"

And no, she wasn't talking about a pimple. If this word does ever make it into common use it would be only fitting that it be used to describe severe acne.

except the unexpected

Several weeks ago, several regular language funnies bloggers gathered in Curl Curl for an Indian takeaway feast. Perusing the menu, we read with interest the various special deals on the menu, including one tantalising ad for a sort of buffet with several dish combinations for a bargain price. Beneath this chirpy exclamation mark ridden offer was the stern warning that despite assurances of choice one was, in fact, to "Expect Seafood".

Imagine our disappointment when it dawned that in fact we were to 'Except Seafood"

What could we do but accept the exception?

Mutually exclusive

Just overheard in the corridor outside my office:

"Well the feeling is mutual - in fact its
even more mutual from my side"

Yeah, aha.

anatomical anomaly

My mother, commenting on how the Australian cricket team was abused by the English press when they lost to Bangladesh, summed it all up this way:

"They must have really copped a ribbing on the chin"

I just can't quite picture it...

Strange Bedfellows

Shaz has excelled herself again!

I'm going to make sure my accountant looks in every crook and nanny for any extra money in my tax refund this year.

Not sure mine at H&R Block is so thorough as to don the rubber gloves for a cavity search...

don't hold back - give 'em curry!

The old man in question is known as "Mad Tones". He's Maltese, suffers from industrial deafness and his motto (as a professional builder ) is 'force it til it breaks'. He has a long standing argument with his Indian neighbours over property boundaries.

A comment on the diet in his household,

Your old man would probably restrain from eating curry then....

moviespeak

Late on Sunday night, too comatose to be able to extract ourselves from the couch we are tortured by some lame and fatuous show about movie production and promotion which held boundless potential for some english chop-suey.

You cast a kind of 20/20 hindsight look over your shoulder.

three in one!

there's something about the genetics, the DNA of a movie, which really reductively ensures it is or isn't going to be a great movie.

There were many more that I giggled at but was sure i would remember.Luckily I wrote those last two down....

only in springfield...

So you take a seat in a plush retsaurant where you're sure they will probably find a way to charge you for the air you are consuming (service charge 17%).You figure there's going to be some unusual items on the menu, some of which you may never have heard of before, but ready to try a few new things.You skip the Lobster and the Foie Gras entrees, peruse the mains feeling confident until you see

Gilled Wild Boar with Caramelised Witlof Celeriac Puree

It seems that not only have they suceeded in genetically modifying wild boar to breathe underwater but finally someone has grafted celeriac and witlof together into one fantastic vegetable....

(menu from 2 hat Sydney restaurant 27/7/05)

Get excited!!

My cousin responsible for some of my most cherished mixed metaphors is on the move again!

Dear Paula...

Well.. am off to Europe tomorrow.... Yahoo!! Will be sending out those reports on what I did.. not sure if you are enjoying them and laughing with me or at me...mmmm!!

Love Ka

No - there's nothing to spot in there, just the promise of good things to come (along the lines of 'I've only just tipped the iceberg in London' and 'They were sights to be held').

Birds and the bees on Big Brother

I checked with alex and he thought this was funny too...

From Big Brother (no not really a watcher, was just flicking through on a bad night of televison, in between checking out the supre site...)

From Christy, aged 20, female:

"Yeah, I just think, you know, she's been watching me like an eagle"

no more to say really.

Classy Indonesian

Was checking out the Supre fashion site, where they were showing a charming little shirt dress, described as :

ITEM NAME : BOUTIQUE BUTTON UP SHIRT DRESS

Ok so what's so funny there? Well - Pay close attention to the Description as:
'Button up shirt dress with boutique print'

do you think they might have meant batik?
"nore mayte it's a boo-teak print. Yeah."

If you can't see pic, go to www.supre.com.au

Haka Hiccup

When doing a little research on NZ culture for Weezer and G-Dav's wedding, I came across some lovely spelling, a rather figurative preposition and a neat little lexical invention.

When it comes to the Haka, the northern hemisphrere is infactuated on everything about it.

If that's inspired you and you want to get fact-up, go straight to the source:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sportacademy/hi/sa/rugby_union/features/newsid_3152000/3152754.stm