Two heads are better than one

'er indoors & I have just spent a week in Tasmania. We overnighted in a town called Oatlands at a B&B run by two semi-retired gay folk from Brisbane. Now this in itself was a funny story, but not a language funny.

Deciding where to dine that night wasn't a hard choice. We could go to the RSL, if it hadn't been a Sunday (their night off) or the other pub (the fancy one, which had table cloths!), so we ended up at the other pub (which proved to be marginally better than going hungry).

Now these Tasmanian country folk had put their heads together and come up with some a little brochure detailing all the pub had to offer on the back of the menu. Given the wide range of menu options, there was plenty of room left over to do so. So what did the pub have to offer?

Accomdation (sorry - no 5 syllable words allowed)

Fuction room (hate to imagine what went on in there)

Sky Chanell (showing French movies, perhaps?)

The elusive compass

In an email from on high meaning more work for me:

Perhaps you and she may establish a procedure for this ... a task that has alluded us to this point

I feel led to water, but I'm still not thirsty.

The power of the mind

From an email sent by our QC Inspector.

"As you know we use the dial for adjusting the cleanroom pressure. It always falls down and makes the reading higher. I have already asked Irene to put it back to the right place several times. It looks to be temporally stuck there. I thought we need to improve the method to adjust the pressure. Do you have any good idea?"

Here's my good idea: Sub-contract a hypnotist to temporally unstick it.

A lore unto himself

From an email volley regarding current events:

The guy I refer to 'IS' Cronulla. He is the guy who has folk law writing about him.

Perhaps he's referring to the unwritten code of behaviour in the Shire. Surfers write it, vigilantes enforce it?

I think Morris Iemma wishes he could get some folk to do some law writing, too.

those crazy summer nights...

A colleague at work is doing a community survey in which people make written submissions in response to questions. This was our fave:

"Food cafes and takeways should be open till late as many people don't want to go to pubs and restaurants - to be able to buy some takeways and sit on the beach on the barmy summer nights is fabulous."

You just never know what nutty things will happen in Manly on a nice summer night while you're sitting there on the beach with a takeway, do you?!

very freudian

One of my clients is THE most computer technological inept person I've ever come across, so I respect the fact that he has run a business by himself for the last year.
However, occaisionally I get impatient - I know it's hard to imagine...;) and I was trying to be diplomatic about some instructions I had written which he had queried:

"That just says (blah blah blah) to me" said he.

"No, that's cool, it's best to aim to the lowest common dumbinator" mispronouces I.

He didn't notice, but that was a freudian slip if I ever I wore a nightgown..

The best-ing-er-est-able weekend ever

In an email received this morning:

"What did you get up to? It was too gooder weekend to spend at home..."

Does that mean if you had en enjoyable weekend you were a do-gooder?

Keeping a close eye on VSU

Barnaby Joyce was on the radio this morning (yes I know, hard to believe innit?) discussing the Voluntary Student Union Bill which is due to debated in the Senate this week. In between making multiple references to "requiring facilities so that students become functioning members of society" (?!?!), when questioned about changes to the legislation he said:

"...there has not been one nanocentimetre of movement on the Government's behalf..."

Ah if you paid as much attention to correct units of measurement as you are to the Government's actions you would know that there nanocentimetre is actually 10 picometres (10exp-12 from memory). But a point well made - looks like some of those fees could be well spent on conversion charts for the decibel system.

genus at work

Posted on a staff noticeboard advertising tickets to our nightclub's NYE event

"with headlining acts ......(UK),....(UK),....(AUS),....(live PA) and percussionists plus a genre of local DJ's"

should be a class act, or something of that sort....

If you truly love something...

From a description of a device that stores info from your mobile sim card:

You loose your phone, you loose your life. If you don’t have your numbers, how do you call people? Who owns a phone book these days? That’s exactly what your phone’s for.

Feeling tense? Throw your mobile away!